More Than Myself
by OCDness
Summary: He could never imagine a life without Ash. But when everything changes, he realizes that some people won't move unless you push them. Even if it means pushing them away. Palletshipping
1. Gravity

Having a bit of a block on Deviation so I decided to try a little palletshipping. This is my idea for the story behind the friendship. It'll be a few chapters long. Tell me what you think!

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><p>It was 13 years, six months and three days ago when he first lost Ash.<p>

That was the day when everything changed.

For the two boys, everything revolved around their friendship. Ash was the centre of Gary's universe and Gary was the centre of Ash's. Of course they had hopes and dreams,

but those meant nothing if the other wasn't be there. Every single moment of Gary's life had been filled Ash. Together they played, they laughed, they dreamed. Everything had seemed

so big, so colourful. They were six years old and the world was at their fingertips.

He remembers every moment of that day clearly. Together they had climbed the tallest hill in Pallet. They stood at the top breathless and proud. At the time, it felt like they had scaled Mt. Silver.

Ash's black hair fluttered around his head as looked up the the sky, beaming.

"Gary, what do you think it'll be like when we're famous?" he asked, still looking up at the sky.

Gary just stood there for a minute as the breeze ran through his russet hair. From this spot, he could see for miles.

"It'll be just like this" he answered.

"What do you mean?"

"No one can touch us. We'll be unbeatable. like being on the tallest mountain, no! like flying!"

Ash's eyes widened and his smile grew larger

"Like flying?" he repeated

"Just like flying." the older boy answered.

They pretended to fly over their "mountain" when Gary spotted something.

"Look ash! someone is going to your house!"

The two boys stopped and looked.

"maybe it's dad!" the younger boy exclaimed.

"let's go see!" Gary said before the two boys ran down the hill.

Ash's father had been gone on a journey to become a Pokemon master, vowing not to return until he had proven himself. Both of the boys knew that if he was back, it could only mean one thing.

As they ran towards the house, they gushed about what was to come. They couldn't wait to see all the badges and trophies.

Gary wanted to see what kind of Pokemon he had.

Ash wanted to see how powerful they were.

As they neared the house, the anticipation was so great it coloured everything.

Thinking back, Gary should have seen the look on Ms. Ketchum's face.

He should have felt the worry in her voice when she told Ash to come inside.

He should have known why she told Gary to head home, but he didn't notice anything.

All he saw were the fantasies they had come up with.

All he felt was the jealousy that Ash would get to meet all of the Pokemon first.

As he headed home, all he could think was that now _both_ of their families were famous.

But they were wrong. It was only later that he was able to piece together what had happened in his absence. Ash's father was no master. He had come home after two years of travelling to say that he had failed and that he was leaving for good. Delia pleaded him to stay, but he had already made up his mind. He had just come back for his stuff.

Apparently Ash had stood there paralysed as he watched what was happening. It wasn't until after his father left that he dashed out the door, trying to catch up.

When two hours passed and the boy hadn't come back, Delia called the police.

Gary was still running around his room, dizzy with excitement when he heard the phone ring. Oblivious to the world outside his imagination, he let his mind create adventures the boys would have.

He was jumping on his bed when he heard his grandfather coming up the stairs. He was probably coming to tell him that they had been invited to see M. Ketchum's Pokemon. He could picture his

grandfather tell him to hurry up, because M. Ketchum was an important man.

But that was not the case.

When the professor opened the door Gary stopped jumping, but the bed still swayed.

He had never seen his grandfather this serious. He didn't understand. What was wrong?

"Ash disappeared, no one can find him."

and just like that, his entire world fell to pieces.

They spent the afternoon looking for Ash. Almost the entire town had come to help. As they searched, the light drained out of the sky and the air became cold. His Grandfather told him to go home and get some sleep but he couldn't, not until Ash was safe. Gary kept telling people where he and Ash liked to play, knowing the boy would be somewhere familiar. He watched as the search parties continued to come come back without him. People were looking more and more worried. Everyone was losing hope.

To Gary nothing was making sense. Everyone was throwing around the word "if", like the black haired boy might not even exist anymore. Gary wanted to scream. He didn't understand, Ash couldn't just disappear! He wanted to explain to everyone that the boy was there, they just weren't looking hard enough. When professor Oak finally took him home he kicked and screamed and cried. He said they weren't doing it right. But the old old man just looked at him with sad eyes.

"Sometimes" he said, "people go away and they don't come back. Do you remember what happened to your mom and dad?"

He thought hard. He had been much to young to understand what had happened back then, so he only knew what people told him.

"They got hurt" he said finally.

"Yes, they got hurt very badly. Even though somebody found them, nobody could bring them back."

The boy furrowed his brows in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"If somebody is really hurt, there is a chance that they could die. It's like if they fell asleep and never wake up."

The cogs were moving in the boy's head. Suddenly, we was more scared than he had ever been in his life.

"Did ash die?" he asked, fresh tears rolling down his cheeks.

His Grandfather took him in is arms and held him tight.

"I don't know Gary, I don't know."


	2. Failure

When Gary fell asleep that night, it was only thanks to pure exhaustion. In his dreams, he stood on top of a mountain, looking down at the word. As the wind picked up, he found himself lifted right off the ground. But instead of falling, he floated up into the sky. From there, he could see everything. Exhilarated, he called out to his best friend. But Ash wasn't there, no one was.

He was completely alone.

And then he fell.

As Gary woke up, he felt terror grip him. He could not remember what he had dreamed last night, but what ever it was it frightened him to the core. It took him a few moments to catch up to reality: Ash was missing. That was enough to send him flying down the stairs, ready to run. He was about to yell out when he saw his grandfather on the phone. Professor Oak hung up just as Gary approached.

"Who was that?" Gary asked

"It was Ash's mom" He said, as a smile returned to his features. "They've found him. He's going to be alright"

_They found him._

_He's alright._

Gary was relieved.

But somehow, he still felt uneasy. It was something about that dream. He shook it off, there was no reason to be worried anymore. _Everything will be just like it used to be_ he thought to himself. _Like nothing ever happened_.

But the evening's events had changed both of them. The two six year olds had experienced life's keen sting for the first time. And now they had to come to terms with very difficult realities. While Gary was realizing that he might lose his best friend forever, Ash had also made a grim discovery. He had followed his father all the way to Veridian, running to catch up with the man. When he made it, they both stopped and looked at each other for a very long time.

"You'll come back when your the master right?" The boy asked.

His father looked down at him. He looked cold and distant.

"I"m not going to be a master Ash."

He kept hearing the words, but he didn't understand.

"Of course you are, and then I'll be a master too! And then we can be a family again!"

"No, Ash. I'm not going to be a master and neither will you."

The Boy was shocked. No one had ever said anything like that before.

"But I know we will"

"You don't know anything!" His father's harsh voice cut through his fantasies.

"You're just a kid, you don't understand how the world works!" He yelled.

"All those little boys out there, they're just like you. They all dream that they'll be the Champion, but they can't."

"Why not!" Ash yelled. Tears were rolling down his cheeks now.

"Because only one person can be the Master. And that person won't be like all the other kids, they will have powers beyond anything. No one can beat them."

"Why can't that be me?" the boy cried out.

"Because Champions were born for greatness. And you were born for nothing, nothing but failure."

At that, His father pulled out a Pokemon from his belt and flew away into the cold night air.

Shaken and hurt, the boy ran to try and follow the Pokemon to no avail. Even when he couldn't see it anymore, he kept walking. He didn't stop until he tripped on a root and twisted his ankle. All night Ash sat in Veridian Forrest, looking up at the moon. The boy thought about everything his father said. As his eyes began to close, he though about him failing to make his father not come back. It hurt. He though about how it would feel to fail again. Just before he fell asleep, he made a decision: no more would he dream of becoming a Master.


	3. Challenge

Sorry if the chapters feel short or rushed. I've been working on it, but I'm still setting up the story and I'm a little anxious to get to the point. Please do tell me what you think, It helps enormously.

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><p>At first, Gary doesn't notice the changes in his best friend. But slowly he came to see that the boy that had come back from the forest that night was not the same boy he had known. He barely talked anymore, he didn't smile and he always looked sad. The older boy asked his grandfather what was wrong with his best friend and he was told to be patient. So he was.<p>

After a week, the younger boy was talking again. By the time a month had gone by, he was back to his old goofy self. But talks of dreams and Pokemon made his best friend go cold and silent. He had forced the truth out of the boy eventually, but it seemed to do no good. No matter how many times he encouraged or complemented Ash, the younger boy remained resolute. And so every time Gary tried tried to convince him, he said the same thing. The boy let the words roll off his tongue as if they were a prayer.

"I don't want to be hurt again"

It had been two years, nine months and three days since Gary lost his best friend to the man with jet black hair and angry eyes.

And when he heard Ash say those words for the three hundred and forty fifth time, something inside him snaps.

"Fine!" He screamed, "Go ahead and stick your head down a hole forever!"

Ash's eyes widened at the outburst.

Gary had never yelled at him. No one had, not since the _Incident_.

"I don't care anymore! Do you hear me? I don't care!" He raged.

It was a lie of course, but he wanted so badly for it to be true.

"It's a good thing you're giving up now, so you won't have to run crying to mommy when you lose!"

He knew he was crossing a line, but Gary couldn't think about what kind of consequences his actions would have now. He was nine years old and he was _angry_.

"You never would have made it past the first gym!" He sneered

Ash was just barely holding back tears now.

"You know what? I could make a better trainer than you ever would!"

He had never wanted to be a trainer. His dream had always been to follow in his grandfather's footsteps. But spite and pride were driving his actions now and so logic and reason were nowhere to be found.

"I'd be the best in the world! And do you know what that makes you? A loser."

He regretted it the second the word left his mouth. This would kill Ash, and this time it would be all his fault.

But neither of them could have ever expected what happened next.

Ash pushed Gary hard enough to send him tumbling backward. The boy then walked up to him and looked right into the depths of his green eyes.

"I am not a loser" he said.

There were no tears in his eyes. What was there, was a fire that Gary had never seen before.

"I would never lose to you."

And with that he left Gary alone.

Late that night, Gary tried to piece together what had happened that day.

He hadn't meant any of the things he said. He wanted to run to the other boy and apologize. Ash always forgave him, so they could go on like this never happened.

But he had seen a fire in those brown eyes that shone brighter than a hundred suns and he wanted to know what had changed. Gary's words were close to the boy's father's, too close. By all logic he should have gone home crying. He should have solidified his resolve to give up on his dream. So what had changed?

Gary picked up the rubber pokeball on his dresser and threw it to the wall in frustration. It bounced back and he caught it skilfully. He toyed with the ball as he thought Then, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror.

Suddenly, he understood.

Ash's father had told him he would fail, just like Gary did, but nothing more.

Gary had gone further.

"_You know what? I could make a better trainer than you ever would!" _

As he looked in the mirror he saw what Ash had seen.

In the mirror he saw saw himself, pokeball in hand.

In the mirror he saw a top notch trainer.

It wasn't about the insults, it was the threat. No, the _challenge_.

Gary had the same nightmare thirty times since the _Incident_.

It was only after the tenth time that he began to understand what it meant.

And for the first time, there was something he could do about it.


End file.
